3rd Casualty Within A Month

Words can't describe the sorrow and pain that I feel within.

Last night I was told a little baby boy of 11 months, Snickers* was really sick in Kenscoff. He is the youngest baby in Kenscoff at the moment, since we transferred all the rest of the little babies to Lamardelle last month. He suffered infantile epilepsy when he was just a couple of months, but has since recovered from the disorder. He is a very healthy baby overall, but does still have the side effect of tremors with his left hand from the earlier seizure attacks. He was really sick with the flu over the weekend and suffered from high fevers. Due to the high level fevers, he started to have convulsions. It triggered an underlying problem again and this time, it wasn't looking good. He was taken to the hospital and the doctor had checked him out. His fever went down and the doctor declared him good enough to return back to the orphanage. Everyone was puzzled, because the doctor just said he has a bad case of the flu. When he got back  to the Kenscoff creche, he started to not feel well again. I got a call at 1am in the morning saying that they needed all the information from his dossier in the office. I quickly got out of bed to get all the information of his medical records. After the call, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't a good feeling at all. I held his file in my hand and looked at his picture. This little guy has gone through so much medically already and it just hurts my heart that he is still suffering. I couldn't fall back asleep for the longest time. I woke up abruptly at around 5:30am. I started to get ready for the day and to help the children get ready for school. I did my usual routine. I went into the office at around 8am and that was when I learned the news that the little guy had passed away at around 3am in the morning.

My heart sunk......it's been the third time this month this feeling has been present....it doesn't get easier with each case.....it's a brand new wound every time.

I am going to miss Snickers* very much. We had so much fun together every time I went up to Kenscoff. He would always laugh and giggling wholeheartedly whenever we sang the EIEIO song. He loved the kissing and tickling game whenever he was down. I craved his smiles and the way he held my fingers when he was being fed. His big eyes starring back at me whenever I was giving him his bottle during the three hour feeding intervals at Kenscoff. The way he kicked his legs upwards whenever he was on the changing table. How he desperately tried to tear my earrings off every time they got close to his grasp.

His laughter. His cries. His smile.

Thank you for lifting my spirits whenever I was tired! Thank you for giving me so much love through just a single glance from you Snickers*! You are dearly loved! Forever and always!